Healing and Losing People
Have you ever lost a relationship because you healed and changed?
Yeah. Me, too. It doesn't feel great. But it's actually part of the process.
Relationships change as you change and grow, and as the other person changes and grows. It’s hard to navigate because it requires prioritizing the growth of two people over trying to keep things the same. And the truth is, we fight hard to keep things the same- even when we simultaneously say we would prefer different. Why?
Because we {unconsciously} fight for our patterns more than we fight for our growth. There are two crucial things to remind yourself of as you navigate this:
ONE: Part of healing and growing requires learning to be okay with being misunderstood and disliked.
and
TWO: Some people are meant to be in your life only for a season, not forever.
Your authenticity will never cost you genuine relationships with those who see and value you for who you are, not for what you give or do. And let's be honest about this: many people, without even being fully aware of it, are only willing or able to value you for what you provide. Not who you really are.
Those people simply can't or won't connect with you any other way. It's not that they're bad. They're usually completely unconscious to the ways they use others to foster their own egos. They're just enmeshed in their own wounds still and your paths may naturally diverge as you begin to heal yours.
So, how can you tell who's showing up in relationship in their whole, healed selves and who's not? The fastest and easiest way to know is energetically {although it may take some practice to trust and get good at this}.
Authenticity is felt energetically: sometimes people will tell you they're one way, but you FEEL {often, well before you observe} something completely different from them.
You may even repel those who are triggered or offended by you because they aren't walking their own authentic path. Sometimes, people will bump up against your energy and be triggered by the energetic invitation to raise their vibration as well. If they can't or don't want to (even unconsciously), you'll feel offensive or even repulsive to them.
Or, they may even feel “addicted” to you, or like they “love/hate” you… but that's not the same as feeling truly connected. It will feel like a lot of ups and eventually, downs. A grounded, quiet and solid quality to the relationship will be missing. Your nervous system will be buzzing wildly, and while the great poets tell us that's a good thing- IT'S NOT. Nervous systems are hyper-attuned to knowing you're in an unsafe environment far before you are.
Sometimes, your vibrations simply aren't harmonious with others. It's not personal. It's just energy.
Never drop down to a lower vibration to preserve attachment to others. But always accept the energetic invitation to do the work to rise to meet those whose vibrations invite your growth. This requires being willing to always meet a growth edge and work through discomfort.
The right relationships prioritize each individual's growth over keeping things the same.
Wanting the best for one another, and for ourselves, means accepting that sometimes we may grow apart. It may be sad and painful, but it's a sign of maturity to be able to prioritize one another's evolution rather than continue to pour energy into what's easy, but simply no longer aligns with where you're going.
Allow your authenticity to weed out those who only want to be in your energy but can't support its expansion. Be you, even if others want or foster something different in you. Otherwise, you risk staying where you are in order to preserve attachments that simply don't foster your growth. Be clear with yourself: honoring who they want you to be over who you really are is self-betrayal and is your choice alone.
Your energy always seeks to be magnified. Focus on creating relationships and environments that support your continued evolution. You strategize, evaluate, and make plans for literally everything in your life. Do you do the same for relationships?
We are in one another's lives mostly for seasons, teaching one another lessons {in one way or another}. It's natural to need and attract different teachers as we master each lesson.
In love, let people go when they choose a path that doesn't align with yours.
Just as you honor your authentic self, honor theirs as well. Accept that your journeys will naturally evolve- sometimes you’ll uplevel together and sometimes your journeys will diverge. Celebrate yourself and celebrate them, even when it requires a major change or goodbye.
