When Healing Feels Lonely
The healing journey,
at some point, will begin to feel very private and isolating. No matter what kind of tribe or support you’re actively building around yourself, this isolation happens for good reason. But feeling lonely isn’t necessary- being alone for stretches of your journey doesn’t necessarily mean you need to feel lonely.
Energetically speaking, when you’re clearing unhealthy patterns and challenging limiting beliefs, there’s an “emptying” that happens. Letting go of the old energy, to prepare for what’s more aligned and authentic, momentarily feels empty. That’s because the old thoughts and behaviors you once defaulted to are no longer automatic and more intentional, actively aligned behaviors take their place. But this is a slow, bit-by-bit replacement. The dopamine “hit” you once got from reacting and defaulting through life is no longer what sustains you.
Let’s be honest- it can feel pretty uncomfortable as you’re learning to slow things down and bring intentionality to every step you take.
That’s not the easy way.
Most people take the easy way,
not giving a second thought to whether their conditioning and patterning actually serves them in a deeper, less superficial way. Many people are just fine with relationally attaching to others through mutual woundedness, and don’t understand or value the process of unlearning in order to connect more deeply and truthfully with themselves and others.
The healing path sets you apart, especially from those who benefited from your old, unhealthy default patterning. This is a natural separation that happens when you begin to live your life with more awareness. But people around you are used to, and may even prefer, the old patterns.
When you trust that life co-creates
with you- is always working itself around you- you understand that there are no right or wrong choices. No good or bad circumstances or relationships. There is only alignment and misalignment… opportunities to practice being who you want to be. As you practice this, a foundational energetic shift into love energy occurs. Fear energy is the basis for feeling that you constantly have to be “right” or “good”. It’s based in judgment of yourself and others, keeping you safely on the side of being accepted by others.
But love energy has room for more than that- it has the space for both what’s aligned for you and what’s aligned for me. And it allows that these sometimes coexist and sometimes don’t.
Here’s the thing. As you intentionally evolve, there will always be some who celebrate your growth. And there will always be those who judge you for changing {because your growth highlights their desire to remain where they are, which they unconsciously judge as wrong}. Your job is to be willing to see the difference, and detach from what you’re no longer aligned with, so you can re-align with what supports your authentic self. Not the wounded self who was aligned with doing what you thought was required to gain acceptance or respect or love from others.
When you give yourself those things as a healed, whole being, you no longer need others to give it to you. And you can then meet them in wholeness, not woundedness. The “dance” between you changes, because the energy between you has changed.
This is why, as we all grow and evolve, relationships will change or even fall away. As you uplevel, an energetic invitation to others is automatically extended. They can rise to join you in this upleveled energetic. Or, they can choose to double down on staying where they are.
The decision they make has nothing to do with you. It’s not personal; it simply means their path has diverged from yours. Life is co-creating with them differently because they have their own lessons to learn and tests to pass {or not}. You can trust that whatever is happening for them is meant to be- just as whatever happens for you is meant to be. Judging this as good or bad won’t change what’s happening, it’ll only make you miserable and frustrated. Afraid.
Know the difference
between being alone, which is based in fear energy, and isolation, which can be based in love energy when you’re detaching from unhelpful patterns and aligning to being your truest self.
So embrace the isolated nature of healing and growing. Because as you say no to what doesn’t serve you, you automatically invite and energetically attract what does.
Trust that it’s coming.
Support yourself through the discomfort of learning to meet and love yourself without demanding that others do it for you. Clearing the old- feeling the absence of it- is part of readying yourself and being able to accept and hold what’s arriving for you.
Mastering the art of upleveling means you’ll never feel lonely- even through the isolating nature of transformation.
