Conflict: Love It Or Avoid It?

Do you run toward or away from conflict?

Whether you avoid it or overuse it is rooted in the same issue- conflict is really about shifting power quickly.

As with most things, you want to be right in the middle- not so terrified of conflict that you're afraid to stand up for what's important… and not so conflict-dependent that you use it as a way to avoid true connection and hearing the uncomfortable-yet-growth-inducing feedback from others that can actually benefit you.

I spent most of my life being completely conflict-avoidant-  focused on how to keep everyone else happy so I could avoid any tension or argument that would cause me to feel unsafe or unvalued.

But, of course, the price I paid for that was to never say what I was really thinking or speak up when my needs weren’t being met.

I literally sold myself out in order to keep the peace.

I was willing to not get what I wanted if it meant less conflict. Sure, I called this “compromise” but I was actually never getting any benefit from this at all. And as you might predict, over time I became more and more lost to myself. 

If you prioritize staying the way others prefer you to be, you can't honor who you are.

I was literally unable to answer the question, “What do you want?” And yet I was striving and pushing toward goals and dreams {you know, the things I supposedly wanted} without having answered that question.

Welllllll does that sound backwards to you?! Yup, that's because it is.

And yet it's incredibly common to have driven, focused people busy doing allllll the things while being completely unclear on what it is they're driving toward.

The solution is to actually take your eyes off of where you're going and look inward.

Who are you BEing while you're busily DOing?

Sometimes this requires outside help, so you can clearly determine that without bias or behavioral interferences like projection or avoidance. When you focus on who you are more than what you do or provide or achieve, misalignment becomes real clear real fast {which is exactly why we use busy-ness to distract us.}

Your feelings about conflict aren't good or bad. It's just information that tells us exactly where to go next to free you from what's limiting your potential.

The goal isn't to learn to love conflict, it's to see it and work with it neutrally.

Conflict might always feel challenging. When you're able to avoid getting caught up in what you think it means about you to have conflict, you can move through the discomfort easily and quickly.

This allows you to transmute that energy into your own upleveling. And doesn't that seem incredibly efficient?

Busy is out. Efficient is in. And learning how to handle conflict is the way to bring more flow and ease to your life.