“Am I Healed Yet?”

The answer to the often-asked question

“How will I know when I’m healed?” depends on your definition of what healing is. And your definition will change as you heal.

What typically begins a healing journey of any kind {whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual} is simply wanting to feel better than you are. You want your “old self” back. The focus is on feeling better, not necessarily BEING better.

But what inevitably happens is that we come to realize that a return to our old habits (who we were and what we did before the pain of that “dark night of the soul”) isn’t actually in our best interest. The goal changes from returning to the lesser pain of where we once were, to wanting better than that old comfortable status quo. We recognize that we were being held back without even knowing it. Our dark night of the soul- however it appears- lights the path forward. And suddenly, we find ourselves on a journey that once sounded like something that only happens in novels.

When a healing crisis appears, it's a catalyst

prompting you not to return to where and who you once were, but to evolve. To heal the deeper wound, not just dampen the pain.

Upleveling your life isn't about getting people and circumstances to fall into line with what you want. Thankfully. Because bending people and circumstances to your will is hard- impossible, actually- and at best only produces superficial, short-term effects.

Molding your life to match your vision isn’t really all that visionary,

as it turns out. Our vision is very often marred with programs and conditioning and just plain bad thinking. There are so many other realities possible, many of which are even better than the one in your head. Focusing on just one way, one path, one outcome means you might miss out on getting something even better than what you imagined.

Healing goes beyond feeling better and doing better, giving opportunity to BE better. By removing blocks to becoming more self-aware and self-compassionate we can master our emotional experience, energy, and self. Less pain isn’t the reward. It’s the side-effect of what happens when we step into a more evolved version of self.

Most of us skip all the self-mastery and healing stuff and try every “expert” 10-point plan and performance strategy available, rolling through each one while wondering why they don’t seem to work for long.

Stop with all the “do this, achieve that, have these things” strategies

and instead focus your effort on figuring out how to BE. This begins with observing who you are and why you do the things you do. Real healing isn’t achieved by self-improvement. It’s achieved by self-acceptance.

Because healing and expanding must occur first, to make literal energetic space for shift needed to hold the change you’re wanting. When you ARE better, you naturally do better and attract better.

Back to the original question. How do you know when you’re healed? Sure, you can certainly gauge whether or not you feel better or are objectively performing better at something. Does that mean you’re healed, you’re all done?

No.

But once you can answer no truthfully, you won’t actually mind so much. You’ll be too busy being on the journey of being YOU to care as much about what being healed “gets” you.

Healing, growing, and evolving is a never-ending process;

it’s a lifestyle. Being satisfied with improvement and certain external measures of success (the right job or a certain amount of money or hitting a milestone life goal) tells you that you’re still measuring yourself against external validation. If the focus isn’t on how you’re BEING, you’re still concentrating on how you’re doing or what you have or what everyone else thinks.

Real growth and healing happens from the inside-out.

Anything else is pretty paint covering up cracks in a wall.

When you shift to leading with internal validation, you will never be completely satisfied with just achieving goals. And paradoxically, you’ll likely be achieving those goals all over the place. But they’ll be the happy side-effect of getting your house in order.

Healing isn’t a destination; it’s a lifestyle. As soon as you embrace prioritizing your personal growth and healing as a long-term way of being in the world, rather than a means to an end, you’ve agreed to both being healed and continuing to be healed at the same time.

Healing isn’t a single destination or what you get in return for your “work.”

It’s a lifetime’s journey, a practice. You are simultaneously healed and healing at every point along the way.